onsdag 18 december 2013

Ms. 45

I discuss Abel Ferarra's 1981 rape and revenge flick with Moe Porne and Joseph Foley on the Drunk on VHS podcast.


onsdag 13 november 2013

The Guyver... rubber monster mayhem

Monster: "I killed you once, and I'll kill you again."
The Guyver: "You can't kill me. I've been rejected by death."

So, I watched a 90's sci-fi action flick titled The Guyver. Based on a Japanese anime, the film is about a young man who discovers a device that merges with his own body, turning him into a cyborg superhero, "The Guyver". The device is of alien origin, as is the entire human race.  Yes, that's right... in the movie we learn that humanity was created by a race of alien beings (has Ridley Scott seen this film?)

The Guyver fights Chronos, an evil corporation (run by Dr. Hill from Re-Animator!)  that's experimenting with alien DNA/technology, mutating humans into giant monsters which The Guyver has to fight. It's like a strange episode of Power Rangers.

And, uh, Mark Hamill turns into a giant cockroach.

Very campy and very rubbery, The Guyver is a schizophrenic movie; the filmmakers seemingly can't decide if they are making a film for kids or adults. It's cartoonish and horrifying at the same time. The film has some entertainment value, the special effects are good and we get a Re-Animator reunion with David Gale & Jeffrey Combs (the film is produced by Brian Yuzna,) but oh man... it's such a mess in terms of story and tone. There is a rapping alien in this film! Ugh.

And then there is the sequel, Guyver 2: Dark Hero, which is actually a huge improvement over the first Guyver; this one is much more violent and takes itself much more seriously than the first film. And David "Solid Snake" Hayter plays The Guyver in this one! It's not flawless though.. the acting is so-so and the film is is too long (127 minutes!) The budget for Guyver 2 was very low, much smaller than the first film's, and it actually feels less like a movie and more like the first two episodes of a Canadian sci-fi TV series that someone has edited together. Man, I would have watched the shit out of a Guyver series! And what a shame they never got to make a third film. I found Guyver 2: Dark Hero with it's anime superhero quite appealing...

fredag 5 juli 2013

lördag 8 juni 2013

The Films That F'ed Me Up

There are some movies that I should not have been exposed to as a young boy...


My dad wouldn't let me watch THE GODFATHER or PULP FICTION when I was younger, but a movie where Tim Curry is in drag and sings about being a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania? Oh that is just a-okay...


A 70's cult rock n' roll musical like THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE. This film was an update of the classic PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. Directed by Brian De Palma (one of my favorite filmmakers), THE PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE is cool, funny, sad and utterly demented. I remember being both frightened and fascinated by this film as a kid.


This bizarre buddy-cop-zombie comedy from 1988 seriously freaked me out as a kid. The scene where a woman rapidly decomposes was some serious nightmare fuel...


I rented this classic TROMA movie on VHS when I was 11 years old. All alone! I can't believe the guy in the store would let me rent it! The cover made the film look like some sort superhero comedy. I watched the movie with a bowl of popcorn, and when the movie was over I went to the bathroom and puked. Thanks Lloyd Kaufman...


That damn toxic waste scene...


Older sister: "So, what have you been doing while I was gone?"
Me: "Well, I just watched a cartoon movie where a cat fucks another cat."


I did not wanna go swimming in the ocean after I saw this movie. I still feel uneasy about swimming...


"This house is clean" says the creepy midget woman. Their daughter is back and everything is fine... could the movie be over? Nope. We get an extra climax where skeletons comes out of the ground, and THAT was just too much for me...


Shot in black-and-white on a low budget, this seminal 1968 horror film about the dead coming back to life and attacking the living still packs a punch. Bleak, eerie, unrelenting, claustrophobic and dripping with dread and mood. Watching this film, late at night, I was terrified. From the very first frame, it feels like the world has ended...


Saw it once as a kid, and I have not seen it since...


Headless Christopher Walken decapitating people left and right in this overly Gothic, gloomy, moody and gruesome horror movie by Tim Burton really scared the shit out of me. Another Tim Burton film that freaked me out was MARS ATTACKS! "Ack-ack-ack ACK-ACK!"


As a kid I saw the seminal 1968 science-fiction film PLANET OF THE APES and its sequels on television. I found them riveting and terrifying at the same time. The bleak and dark post-apocalyptic world ruled by talking apes as presented in the first two films was particularly unnerving. In the sequel BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES we find out that there is an under-dwelling society of mutated humans with psychic powers that worship a nuclear warhead, called the "doomsday bomb". This bomb is activated at the end by a dying Charlton Heston, destroying the whole planet! The screen then fades to white, and the film ends with a voice-over saying, "In one of the countless billions of galaxies in the universe, lies a medium-sized star, and one of its satellites, a green and insignificant planet, is now dead." The twist ending of the first film left me flabbergasted as a kid. The nihilistic ending of the sequel left me stunned and dispirited. Although the original film may look outlandish and dated now, the ideas still ring true... the concept of mankind destroying itself is no fantasy...


Yeah, that's right...  Ed Wood's infamously bad film PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE actually scared me. But, y'know as a kid you don't criticize movies... you don't 'see' the bad film-making... so when I watched this 50's  black-and-white (which made it all the more nightmarish looking) horror film  about aliens robbing cemeteries and resurrecting dead humans as zombies at an early age, late at night, I was just horrified.Tor Johnson and Vampira freaked me out. I couldn't sleep that night!


Fuck you.

fredag 3 maj 2013